Yoga is Good for the Soul, and Body!

I went to get a massage today because I've been having a lot of back and neck pain. I thought it may help, and it did, but I wanted more.
I went to hot yoga later.The room was insanely hot, and the movements very challenging, but oh so good!  I then went home, and took a shower to rinse off the sweat ( and boy did I sweat?!).
I felt so strong and powerful. It made me think about all the other challenges in my life, and I realized at that moment how strong I really am, mentally, and physically.
The kinks are almost out of my back and neck, and I've decided I should do hot yoga at least once a week. That would help my aches, and stress immensely.

Home is Where the Heart is

I’m lost without him

When he’s away,

I can’t breath

Its so cliché

, but he’s the air that I breath

When I’m with him,

I feel alive

I feel whole, and complete.

I feel peace.

I can’t sleep in my own bed

Without him.

I sleep on the couch when

he’s away…

Night after night

Till he’s next to me again.

How is it possible to

Love another human like that?

When I see him,

I can’t keep my feet on the ground

I feel like a kid again,

Giddy, and excited!

The butterflies in my belly,

The cheesiest smile,

The constant hugs and kisses.

2 years later, and I'm still crazy about him

He's my best friend, and lover

He's always there

when I need him

And that...that's priceless, you know.

The love we share is like no other.

I believe in magic again.

It’s hard to give in to love

sometimes when you’ve been

Hurt time and again.

But when you give in…

Wow…its like a weight off

your back.

It's like coming back home

After a long, long tiresome journey

This love is my home

And I finally accept 

that I just wanna be home

I wanna be home with him,

my rock. 

Hold on, please

An empty promise

I’ll take care of you.

Carelessly said words

I love you.

Unspoken fears

I’m scared sometimes.

Please say it.

I don’t know how to love you

Help me.

How I feel some days

Lost. Alone.

Something I can hold onto

Hope.

Am I making the most out of my time?

I thought today I would just write about my day.
Oh, it was the first day back from Spring Break. It was rough getting up...Ugh!! I'm a sleepy head, and boy., do me and my bed have a special relationship or what! And, yes, I mean that. Well, we got really acquainted this past week, and I had to break up with it this morning. Truth be told, it hurt me more than it hurt mi cama ( my bed).
Well, today I went to class; my wonderful ecology class. This is the class that solidified for me that I am NOT a biology major, and I am meant to study Chemistry. So, I changed my major. Yay, me! Well this pushes back my graduation date to December 2014, but you know... the time will pass anyway.
This will free up my summer for funtime and relaxation. Now that I'm not in a hurry, I can take a break, and chill this summer. Yes!
I talked to a friend today, and had to tell her something deeply personal that I felt very conflicted about ( and no, I'm not sharing...Maybe in the future, or maybe not to respect everyone's privacy). And it made me think about the relationships people make a long the way in this journey called life. I know at this point in my life how to cut my losses and move on from broken relationships and friendships that weren't meant to be, but I have this thing that always pulls me in different directions; my heart. My big heart that cares about everyone, and just wants everyone to be happy. I know I can't please everyone. Truth be told, lately I've been working on pleasing myself, and letting the chips fall where they may. The last few months have been challenging, but my relationship with myself and my son has gotten a lot better. Sometimes, in bad times, you find ways to cope, and all of sudden you're on a journey of self-discovery. I'm happy. It's not perfect, but its mine, you know, my life, and I am the fortress. Ha! No more apologies for doing whats best for me.
Anyways, this wasn't a crumbling friendship. In fact one would say, it was blossoming. I believe in honesty though. I am too honest for my own good, and I never want to leave things in the air, and unsaid. Honesty and trust make a good relationship.  I'm not perfect, but I'd like to think that I'm genuine. For my conscious, you know. I just want to have peace in my life.
As I navigate through complex life altering situations this year, I'll probably be writing about it. I think of myself as a seamstress. Yeah, I know...I don't make clothes. lol... As I weave the words together bringing you this narrative , I hope not only that you enjoy reading it, but that I am able to convey a message to you. Life is beautiful. It's so cliche to say, but really it is. Enjoy everyday. I'm learning to live day by day and enjoying it. I've been on autopilot for so long that I forgot to take the day in. To stop for a moment, and enjoy the beauty around me. Today, I took pictures of the snow. This week, I plan on painting, and finishing up a short story I started last week. That, I will share :)  Something's happened to me that finally woke me up from wallowing in my own self-pity. I'm thankful for that. I needed that. I have a bucket list too. lol. Yes, I am still going to take each day at a time, but I have things that I want to do; travel, skydiving, skiing, learning a new language, painting, getting a short story published, maybe a commercial, hell, if someone's doing a movie ( a good one, please), shoot me a line. I'm ready to experience this thing called life. I've been a guest in my own body for so long. It's time that I own this moment.

Why we do it

Let’s not do it for riches

Let’s not do it for gold

Let’s do it for our hearts

Let’s do this till we grow old

Let us share our pains and gains

In this deep mysterious journey of ours

Let’s inspire, and invigorate others

Let us evoke passionate debates

Let us be the change that we are seeking

In this world

Let’s do this till we grow old

Let’s bare our souls

Let’s mourn the death of our ideals

Let’s be realistic

But still dreamers

Let us not do this for riches nor for gold

Let’s do this so that in our old

Age, we can be proud of who we are,

And who we’ve become

And mourn who we’ve lost along

The way

Either way, let’s celebrate today

To me and you

Let us forever be true

And the most authentic versions we can be

Let’s just be you and me

Let’s dream a dream today

As we close our eyes, drifting away

Let’s be calm, and allow ourselves to be carried

Let’s be happy till the day we’re buried

Maybe then, we can sleep

Maybe then we can keep

Our feet on the ground, and sweep

These sorrows away

On this sunny day

Warm as the middle of May

The Truth Is...

I wanted to write

I wanted my words to have meaning

To have depth and soul

To have strength,

To help someone overcome

Tragedy, pain, anguish

Like I overcame so many things

In my life

I wanted my words to have power

The power to touch

A heart

A soul

To heal

I wanted my words to change the world

I wanted them to bring forth change

I wanted my words to help someone

I wanted them to help me..

Live

Go on

Like this life was worth something

I just wanted to write

Every since I was  7 years old,

I took a hold of that pencil

And I just wanted to write

Writing was existing

Writing was living

Writing was being immortal

And I wanted to leave my mark

On this planet

I wanted to be remembered

That’s all

I wanted to have meaning

That’s all

I just wanted to be someone

I promise that’s all

You see, I just wanted to be seen

To be loved….

Yes, to be loved.

That’s all. I promise. 

Genesis IV

This is where it all started

19 years ago

a 7 year old girl

Alone in an airplane,

Was greeted by her father

At the airport

She looked at him perplexed.

Who is this man?

And ran away from him…

I’m your father, he says…

And she looks in his eyes,

And …recognition

She throws herself in his arms,

And is carried home

This is where it started,

But that’s a lie

It started way before that,

In 1986 In Mogadishu, Somalia

A daughter was born,

And unlike most Somali men, he was excited,

He was happy…He held her, and rocked her,

And looked at her with amazement.

A daughter was born, and he was in love

Really in love.

He held her tightly to his chest,

And leaned back, and rocked her to sleep…

A daughter, he thought, my daughter

What a miracle

He was a young man of only 21

And a father now

Responsibility was like a heavy rock,

That you had to carry forever

And never set down

Because once you had it, it was yours,

Forever

Responsibility started today

Responsibility to provide

To care for,

To teach,

But above all, the responsibility to love

It started today, *********, 1986

Hello, Responsibility

Goodbye, Freedom

After the airport, he took her to his home

He told his new wife,

This is my daughter, my life

You will care for her like your own

She didn’t really like the idea, but she loved the man, and so she obliged

She bathed the filthy little girl, washed her after she handled her business in the bathroom, she fed her, and clothed her, but she didn’t hold her like a child should, she didn’t love her like a child should be loved… She was a burden, a responsibility that she never asked for.

And so it began,

My story. It was rather, sad, actually. I left my grandmother, the only mother I knew, and was put in a helicopter to Nairobi, Kenya. My uncle, Hassan, was with me. My dear uncle, may he rest in peace, flew with me to Nairobi, Kenya. I stayed with a relative there, and my uncle took me to the airport, and I got on a plane by myself. I was supposed to take a present for my sister, but I forgot it with my uncle. I remember as I waved goodbye to him, he was still holding the dress for my sister. I was in an airplane by myself, a 7-year-old girl, with a stewardess watching over me until we got to our destination. There my father was waiting with a friend. He ran over to me, and I ran away, because I didn’t recognize him.  When he told he was my dad, I threw myself at him, and he held me so tightly. I loved that man.

He took me home to his wife and his new daughter. She was only a year old, and a month later, another daughter would come. My father just wanted a happy family. He was just a young guy, not even 30 yet, with 3 children already. He hung out with his friends, sometimes, to escape the responsibility, but nonetheless he was a good dad; a loving father who doted on his daughters.

My childhood buddy, a fella that lived near us, took me under his wing. He went to school with me. He was a kind soul. Children can be so kind and considerate, more so than adults, at times. He taught me how to read, write, and even ride a bicycle. He was my best friend. He had long hair, and I, silly me, thought he was a girl all this time. Well, until my stepmother caught me kissing him in the living room. To my defense, it wasn’t a romantic kiss, but a friends kiss. I thought he was a girl, and my best friend. She told my father, and told me I wasn’t allowed to have him over. That was sad. His dad talked to my dad, and told him how hurt my buddy was by everything. My dad told him it was all a misunderstanding. 

But you see,that was the beginning...

Stockholm Syndrome

They tell you

Silence

Calaacalka iska daa

You're not the only one 

Suffering 

I ask, well where are the others?

Why do you seem so proud to been cut like an animal?

Why are you proud of being cloaked and hidden from the world?

Why do you slave in the kitchen, bedroom and are a bonafide baby maker? Is you happy? 

The weddings are like slaughter houses

Girls smiling on the outside but were dying inside

So long freedom, so long who you were
And who you wanted to be

Now you're just his little wife

Betrothed

They act like they respect you

That's you've done such a great deed

You know, it's half of your deen, after all

But they're secretly ecstatic that they've got  you in chains

Chains formed by deceit and manipulation

The way to control to mankind 

Or here womankind, tell them it's their god given duty to suffer

Allah will repay them in the hereafter

Samr, patience, you will be rewarded 

So you stay silent, convinced you'll be rewarded ... One day... Some day 

But really, maybe never.

They've convinced you that it your duty to suffer in silence 

Patriarchy, an intersection of culture and religion, convinces women that they belong to men and cannot survive without them

When it is them that cannot survive without us

Because all men come from a woman and not the other way around.