Unleashed

It's hard being a woman of color,
It's even harder being one with an opinion
A mouth piece that challenges every notion
Of supposed inferiority
Oh, no, not me darling
I'm a force to be reckoned with
I speak with dict and I probably
Know your mother tongue even better
Than you
Don't underestimate me
Don't sleep on me
I'm wise, I'm bold,
I can't be contained
I'm a black girl unleashed

Do not compliment me on
my "less than "black nose,
(What does that mean anyways?)
I don't find the back handed compliment
cute or endearing
Don't say, oh, how beautiful your hair is
or god forbid, tell me I have good hair
It leads me to think, then what the heck is
bad hair? Oh, coarse black hair? Gotcha
I am not my hair, you see
I am the person within
I am the one speaking this word
You see, I am a girl that
wants to change the world
I am conscious, I am a lover of all people
Gay, Straight, black to white, and all in between
But come at me wrong, and I will let you know,
And you will see a black girl unleashed

I dream of my future daughter,
her brown skin so luscious, and smooth
as velvet
And how I will have to remind her day in
and day out, the beauty she possesses,
because someone out there will remind her daily
how she just doesn't fit the standard of beauty
Not pale skin, or long straight hair,
Now who had a worldwide meeting, and
decided upon that?
I will show her the beautify of her shape,
her hips, and curves,
the narrow of her back, and how she is
the finest creation of all, with those
Coily tight curls on her head,
and let me tell you,
My Princess will not destroy her crown and
glory, to make you more comfortable
Enough of that
It's no longer okay to conform
I'm unleashed, free to challenge the status quo.
Beauty, and a person's worth does not
come only in one shade, or shape

Do not be afraid of me,
I am kind, I am compassionate
I promise.
But I will not tolerate bs
nor will I be blind to the world's
intolerance, and injustice
I will alway challenge the status quo,
I will remain free, unbound, uncompromising
in my beliefs and principles,
I am a black girl unleashed

No, I'm Not Sorry, Dude.

People ask me, "Why do you talk about race so much? Why do you talk about oppression,racism, and prejudice,so much? Its 2013. It's not like you ever went through anything like that." Hmmmm...then, I think about that cop that pulled my 9 month pregnant ass over, and pulled a gun in my face ( for no damn reason, in good ol' Florence, KY) and I say,"Yep, you're right. Racism is a thing of the past (except for the fact that happened in 2007)." Or, my friend's friend who asked them:" How's the darkie?" Ummm...blank stare. Or the brother of a guy that I was dating, calling him," a nigger lover." Yep, that happened ( in 2010)...And, ignorance is bliss; its even more blissful when you're in the majority that more than likely will never experience anything like that

May I also add that I’m raising a young black male? I look at his bright eyes, and that mischievous smile, relishing in the fact that he’s young for now, and without a care about the ways of the world.   I watch how he rocks his little hoodie over his head, and sneakers, thinking he’s so cool, and cute; not knowing someone out there may deem him, no,  not his attire, HIM dangerous.  And my heart sinks in that knowledge. I’m afraid of living in a predominantly white neighborhood, afraid of the racism that he will encounter one day. I’m afraid to move and search for a more “diverse” neighborhood, because the schools are not as high ranking in education and do not have equal resources, nor the funding.  What do you know about being in fear of your child growing up in a world where he has to be so careful to arouse any indication that he may be dangerous, because of his blackness. I’m so scared of when he becomes a teenager, because we all know how teenagers are- black, white, yellow, etc.- without a care in the world, and a disdain for authority. Only some kids will have the benefit of doubt, you know, ” kids will be kids,” but he won’t because it’s assumed that its innate to him to be defiant, and up to no good. When you have children, if you have children, your porcelain dolls, you don’t worry about teachers discriminating against them, not given them full attention, or somehow undermining them and their confidence, because of the color of their skin. You’re not worried about your kids being teased, because of their skin color. You're not worried about your kids being singled out. You’re not worried about your kid, the only child of color in a daycare, being sent to the other room “to take a nap,” while the other kids are playing and being tended to. Are you worried about child coming home to you, and asking,” Mommy, which is better? Dark brown, or light brown skin? .” And try, as you may, you can’t convince them that neither is better, because they’re shown the opposite- day after day.  Your heart doesn’t break in million pieces when your beautiful niece tells you, “being brown isn’t beautiful, and only peach (white) is.” Mind you, she’s only 6.

         So don’ tell me racism is over while you enjoy your white privilege, not being overtly racist yourself, but taking full advantage of the systemic, symbolic racism in this country. Don’t tell me about it. I don’t want to hear it.

            I’m not sorry for telling you like it is. I’m not sorry that you think I’m an angry black woman. I’m angry that you even assume that I have no right to be angry. Oh, I’m angry, all right. And rightfully so.  How dare you assume you know how I feel, and my concerns? How dare you tell me what year we’re in, and that we have a black president now? So that means racism is over? Do you not hear what they say about him on national television? Bold. Oh, that’s bold when you can mock the President of the United States via racial jokes and innuendos. That’s boldness when you can do that, and get away with it. You know why? Because there are plenty of folks that feel the same way you do, and you have confidence in that. Before Barack Obama was President, I even believed race relations were getting better, but I take it back. The things that I’ve seen, heard, read since he’s become President, I never thought I would encounter.  So I’m not sorry, that all you have to worry about is that your kids go to school, and hope they stay out of trouble, when I am sick with worry that trouble will find my child, somehow, like that mother whose child never came back from the store, and was killed for…wait for it… wearing a hoodie, and looking suspicious. All because a black boy with a hoodie in a gated community is abnormal. Strange, eh? You don’t say. Don’t tell me about the fact that all you have to do stay in school, get an education, and apply for a job, not worried that somehow you won’t get it because of your skin color, or you won’t even get an interview because of your black or foreign name- unless you’re Asian (yep, had to throw that in there lol). I’m not sorry for making you uncomfortable. I am sorry for the times I’ve spend with my white friends, and they made jokes that were inappropriate, and rather racist, and I didn’t say anything. I am sorry for thinking, “ oh, he doesn’t mean that.” Or making excuses, that because WE were friends, they weren’t that bad. I’m not sorry for being against racism. I’m not sorry for speaking my views. I’m not sorry for calling you out on the fact that, no , YOU CAN’T RELATE. You never will. The only thing you can do is become more conscious.  Maybe, have more foreign or black friends, other than me. Wow, yeah, I went there. People say segregation is over. No, its not. You will never see a more segregated place than a college campus. The black kids with black kids, the white kids with white kids, the Asians with other Asians, Arabs with Arabs; except for the random ones that are the only person of color (like myself ), or maybe, an actual group of people from different places.

            

           

Be the change you want to see in the world.

            

Premonition

Crippling persuasion

I was afraid to be alone

Afraid to be without you

Afraid to stand on my own two feet

Afraid to trust myself

Afraid to breath on my own

Now everyday, my mind is

Getting stronger

My body is getting stronger

And my love for me is growing deeper

And I realize, I shouldn’t need you

I should want you in my life

You should complement me

And the things I have going on

I should be happy

To be with you

But content, and at peace

Without you

Not emotionally dependent on you

I have to learn how to trust myself

How to let go, and NOT keep looking back

As if there’s something I’m going to miss

No, I should cherish the memories

And hold on to the lessons learned,

For my future.

For my sanity.

For my story.

The love has always been deep,

Genuine, real

And indentation in my heart

And soul

But the conflict too great

Too many obstacles,

Too many words exchanged

Too much done

The question remains

Is it salvageable?

Is it worth it?

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